Risk

Some days it starts deep within,

A need,

Reaching out with winding hands and

Nervously shaking fingers,

The need to scrape down the bricks looming around my heart,

And open and let things fly out,

To let go of the hand which kept it all pressed down,

To let free the mind which shied away,

To free my wrists to bloom petals and my heart

To carve out words it never had before.

 

Some days,

It’s a want;

A far cry from a right, but if you think of it,

All the same.

Because those days I demand to be heard, to be felt

Of all the little things my heart goes through,

Of all the things my mind is bursting to pour,

I demand this with both hands,

Grabbing up the chance to speak, to be heard,

I want this right now.

 

Some days, it’s a lull.

It just is, like I just am.

I feel it like a buzz, the need to speak out loud,

I feel it in the various ways I’m snubbed,

But I feel weak,

Too weak to point out,

Too weak to face the risk, so I just let it be,

Just like it always was.

 

Passport

You tuck in your passport,

You polish your shoes,

Your gleaming face with its reckless smile

Makes it hard,

To discern the sheen of sweat on your brow,

And the plagued heart you have to tow.

 

You don’t want to go,

You know how it is,

Amidst the slammed doors and

Mental battles,

Words of spite flying from our mouths with,

Lightening speed,

You too realized that the worth in staying back,

Far overpowers the relief in storming out.

 

You packed your bags with a hurrying speed,

Only to be betrayed by your eyes,

Which avoided contact,

Contact, which your fingers had yearned,

Just last night. And today, you storm out,

With anger on your lips, and

A quickness in your steps,

Only to be betrayed,

By the tremble in your hands.

 

You don’t look back, you don’t listen,

Not to me, not even to your heart;

Your fingers rake through your hair,

And there’s certainly no mistaking,

The quickness in your breath.

You just sail past, like a blurry shape

Quick to escape, but never ready to leave.

And it is only when you are miles away into your rage,

Do you realize what a terrible mistake you’ve made.

 

 

 

Calm

 

// Written in response to Calm, but I’ve taken the liberty to convert this word into its exact opposite. 

There’s this fire,

Cursing through my veins,

Bone-crushing,

Mind-numbing; I fear

It might just burst open

Some vessel pulsing beneath my

Skin; I fear,

It might just crash down some walls,

I took a long time to build, but not long enough

To secure; I fear,

It might just tear down my solace,

I’ve find so hard looking, and finally

Found in you; I fear,

It might just rob me of my senses,

I had put so much faith in, but never

Enough heart; I fear,

It might just knock me down,

And crush my legs from beneath;

Unable to stand, I look up and if,

If by chance, my eyes glance upon your face,

I fear, this fire, this bone-crushing desire,

Might just be the end of me.

Where Have I Been? Why Am I Not Writing? What’s the Plan?

Hello people! How have you all been? I know it’s been 2 darn months since I last posted something on this blog, and here I am trying (failing) to come up with a reasonable explanation, and also talk to you about my plans with this blog.

Now, firstly, I haven’t had a lot of time. I’m in 12th grade and I have my board examinations coming up in about 4 months, so I don’t really have a lot of time to do anything. I’ve still been able to continue successfully with my book blog because I have been reading a teeny tiny bit, but amidst all of this mess that is school, this blog got completely sidetracked. I honestly never even opened up this site in quite a while, and not that I had forgotten about it, but it was there way back in my mind. I know this screams neglect and irresponsibility, but it is how it is.

Also, I haven’t lately been in a writing mood. I don’t, for the life of me, understand what is wrong – I just don’t feel like writing. With the book blog, it’s still easy because there I have something to talk about, so I don’t really have to bring out any creativity of my own. But here? I’m just not feeling it.

However, I do plan on changing things. I think I’m going to try my hand at poetry for a while now, like I’ve been doing since my last few posts, and I have planned to publish something here once in every week. I definitely want to get back to nurturing and developing this blog, it’s nowhere near good, but I want to work on it. I just need to find the time.

So this week onwards, I’ll be planning to publish one post (mostly poetry) every single week, until my boards gets over, post which I can hopefully give my full attention to this blog.

I don’t know if it’s obvious or not, but I do enjoy writing. I love it, but I find it difficult to manage writing along with school and homework and studies. Everything is just too hectic right now to actually channel my energy into anything except studies. I hope you understand 🙂

Also, to all of you who did not unfollow in spite of me being MIA, I love you guys!

One Mistake

I don’t think you realize that I typed that out,

In a frenzy, in a hurry,

With a spool of heat rushing to my head, very much alike

In nature, to the heat which flooded my cheeks when your fingers grazed mine

But so much different from how it made me feel. And

My hand acting of its own accord, picked up the phone,

Those same hands which had touched your hair a mere two days ago,

Running my fingers through them and shading your eyes from the sun,

Those same hands, how had they come to this?

I sent you two lines, hurried and misspelled, and poured down

Years’ worth of feelings and agony and love and pain into those lines,

Thinking that it would culminate our suffering, and bring us to a new start.

Oh! How foolish could I have been? Had I not known, that it would be the doom of us?

Had I not forseen, that it would only lead to clipped goodbyes and unsaid half-truths?

And when finally you called back, saying how this end was meant to be be, I noticed the

Calmness in your voice, and yet the fire surging beneath.

You repressed the anger, and hid your pain well, and the wall of indifference you put up,

Oh how I wish I had seen through it. I could have stopped a lot of nights

Spent in hunger, and yearning and tears. I could have stopped those

Fleeting glances, which said so much yet left a lot unsaid.

I could’ve saved us from so much heartbreak, and forgive me, the naive me,

For the mistake that I made.

 

And I Write

I see the curve between your eyebrows,

And the pale shadows beneath your lurid eyes,

The grin you put on, tired yet a clear facade,

And the best I can do is muse.

I gaze at the horizon with you by my side,

And feel your hands twitching to convey something your

Lips cannot; the way you adorn a sense of complacency,

And the best I can do is muse.

I notice the mundane look on your face,

And the contrasting light in your eyes

The ruffled hair and its unspoken mysteries,

And the best I can do is muse.

I glance at your subtle dismissal, Of all the

Incessant questions peopls have for you

I try to discern the smile playing around your lips,

And the best I can do is muse.

What do you feel? When your eyes collide with mine,

What races through your head, faster than a bizarre dream

Do I blind you like you do me sometimes,

And the best I can do then is muse.

What lies behind, the few words that you choose to speak,

Which have the power to make or break my day

And why, oh why, do you choose silence when so many revert to chaos,

And the best I can do is muse.

I’m baffled, and disconcerted,

And I do what I best can. And do you know?

What really happens, is I muse and I ponder,

And the only thing left to do is write.

Fire Meet Gasoline

The tips of his fingers, so

Heated that they could barely skim the surface,

Of their flushed bodies and entangled limbs, an

Oasis so vast and yet so out of reach that

Deep into the forest, the light which shines within,

That’s what every cranny hid, and every nook beheld.

Eyes meet boldy and skin lights up feverishly,

And fingers play by skilfully, down that

Curvy spine. Goosebumps alight with the

Lightest of touch, and sprawled fingers trace

Mindless patterns and oh, how that in turn

Makes him lose his own (mind).

Life gives life, and breath forms breath,

And words forms words to replace the

Fire dancing within,

And oh what a frenzy, unstoppable in its demands,

Oh what an epiphany, that this could mean life,

Because what is this, if not life,

And what is life, if not this?

And when their lips touch, it all bursts up,

Which one fire, and which one its flame,

But how could it even be different

Aren’t they both the same?

Where does he start and where does she end?

So the night grows up, and the sky changes form

But the fire doesn’t die, as is its norm

Every little scent, and every touch imprinted

Reminds her of the fervour, and sets her ablaze instead.

 

A Request

To step back down, to wipe off that evil

Grin when you see her passing by

Because she is as much human as you

Deem yourself to be,

Then why do you call out? Names

Which you don’t even know half the meaning

Of, it’s a request.

 

To bite your tongue, hold back your words,

Take it back, and take it in, and don’t you

Spit out something evil, which

Might just destroy him and render him so

Delirious, that sleeping through the night becomes

A feat, it’s a request.

 

To not pounce at any opportunity you

Get to ridicule the living hell out of her,

Her, who is trying just as hard to survive and

Could probably do without another of your words,

Beating at her and raising her pulse,

You, you need to stop, and let her

Live, it’s a request.

 

To ignore and glance over anything

Amiss, anything worth laughing at, anything

At all. Think that he may already be

Giving himself hell over it, and probably doesn’t

Need another mocking eye to pick at his wound.

So stop, won’t you? Before you pass a

Comment, it’s a request.

 

To offer a helping hand, to let go a

Tiny bit of smile,

Which might just relieve her, and lift her from the shallow

Dark. Be it temporary, and be it even a slight change,

What harm could a tiny smile,

Or an offered hand, ever do to

You, it’s a request.

 

To show a little kindness, and be something

Worth being proud of, to make yourself a

Human, to help someone override the lows,

Do something you’ve never done before, and

Feel happy like you’ve never felt before.

Show a little kindness,

And, it’s a request.

Keep Moving Ahead

Every step which matters,

Line it up, one by one,

In front of the other,

Line it up, line it up.

Because the world won’t see,

Where you dared to falter,

And the world won’t notice,

Which sole got hurt,

The world won’t care,

Where things got misty,

And neither will it comprehend,

How the cracks in your heart came through.

Don’t look back, and

Don’t side-step,

Keep your chin high,

And let the fear escape.

No real time to be frail,

Oh dear,

No time to hesitate,

In a universe keen on running,

You need to keep your step.

So go on, and go ahead,

And take in as much as you give,

Don’t you falter, don’t your stall,

Make sure to rise up when you fall.

 

 

Unpredictable

Fidgeting fingers and nervous breaths,

Pushing back hair,

A frenzied air,

What to say,

How to say,

What new surprises,

Might be sprung today.

 

The walls keep closing in,

But the window is flung open

By the innermost will

Of her innermost mind.

Her mind wants to fly,

Her body too shocked to catch up,

But she must try, and she must try,

Because what if it all works out?

She doesn’t know what look,

His beautiful face will adorn,

When she springs those words to him,

The very words which made her numb?

Try as she may,

Her lips won’t work,

The words won’t form,

Because doesn’t this go,

Against all norms?

She hears the gravel crunch,

She hears her heart leap,

She hears the front door open,

And the fear begins to creep.

She feels out of breath,

And yet strange exhilaration,

Because when he enters her room,

The words all leave her mind.

Who knows what he’ll think?

Who knows what he’ll say?

And as all coherence fly out of her sight,

She’s stuck with two words which can say it all.

“I’m pregnant”, she whispers,

And the tears roll down,

Both of his, and of hers,

And that’s when she knowsm

She had been right all along.

---

Written in response to daily prompt unpredictable.